Friday, 22 April 2011

out with the old.

My room is a complete mess! After a crappy thing happened it's now half filled with boy stuff too and considering my room isn't that massive it's starting to feel a bit claustrophobic. I am in the process of moving out and have spent the past few hours clearing up three and a half years worth of what I should probably start considering crap. This ranges from cards from different people, clothes I never wear but 'might wear again one day' and fancy dress stuff from nights out in first and second year.

 It's sad throwing most of this stuff away because I can still remember when I wore some of it, the ridiculous night out a flashing thing came from and cards from old friends that I barely ever speak to any more. I'm not any good at chucking stuff away because I don't want to forget it, but because of this amongst my crap are bags of stuff I collected when on holiday in California, New York and Dublin. I wish I'd done something with them at the time because then maybe now I'd remember why the hell I have kept a receipt or serviette.

Cards are things I can't really throw away, I think I get this from my mum because whenever I'm feeling sad or anything she sends me a card and so cards are special, even if not in the same way any more they once were. I really hate moving because I never do get rid of enough though, maybe this time I'll have to be realistic but I know I'll only end up replacing one set of lost memories with another. For example under my bed amongst a lot of rubbish there's a bag of stuff I've collected from school this year. I have been told that in your teaching career you learn that the pictures children make for you don't have to be kept....maybe I'll learn that one day.

Sunday, 27 March 2011

Hello spring!

I hate losing an hour of sleep but today it didn't bother me so much because I had to be up at a ridiculous time on a Sunday for another driving lesson. After a crazy lesson on Friday which left my poor instructor joining the small group of people who have witnessed my bad moods, but this is my current 'worst mood ever.' In my defence Manchester really is a bitch to learn to drive in with rude people, pedestrians who literally don't give a crap that, fair enough I'm going REALLY slow but at any second my foot could slip (again) and I could go fast right into them. I'm joking, I'm not that bad, well almost not anyway.

I'm very happy it's spring mostly because other than few hiccups this week, like a bad driving lesson and people seeming to forget my name and replacing it with not such a cool alternative, it's been the best in a long, long time. I got accepted onto a PGCE course, which is really scary because I don't feel totally mature enough to be in the charge of 30 kids in my classroom but that's a year away at least so plenty of time to grow up. Before finding out I'd got on I was stressing so much, as a couple of people in particular know only too well, but it's a scary thought not knowing what the hell you'll do if you're not successful. I guess now I'll never really know and I am very lucky and grateful.

My housemate passed her driving theory this week so it's a flat of good things. I definitely want to make the most of the last five months of relative freedom before my career really starts next year, I really hope to have passed my driving test by then, but I also think when you have very little spacial awareness that could be asking too much. But anyway it's finally sunny in Manchester so better enjoy it before it starts to cry again!!!

Sunday, 27 February 2011

All good things come to an end

Why do teachers and other staff in schools get long holidays? Because it's  bloody tiring that's why!  That and children, as great as they are can be quite tricky and working with them is seriously the best contraceptive! So I think you need time off to appreciate it all over again.  

Anyway this half term has reminded me of the good parts of being a student...the times without much work and being able to properly mid week drink. Although ironically this week of doing not a lot has led me to pull my finger out and actually book and have my first ever driving lesson. It was pretty scary and seriously I never had a clue how much you actually have to do to get the car moving but I think it will be worth it when I have a beautiful new car one day....oh and a teaching job to provide this obviously. 

This week has been ace and has made me not want to go back to work at all, it's just been a good mixture of doing nothing, meeting people and some scary people :-) and time with my two best friends. This weekend was the perfect girl weekend with two of my best friends and Jason Derulo. It was pretty sad turning up and realising the average age of CHILDREN was 14 and there were the three of us twenty-should-know-better something's. But at least we weren't some of the poor boyfriends that had been dragged along! 

I hate Monday mornings, especially the ones after a holiday, but time to man up and prepare to be only known as 'missssssssss' for another seven weeks, but I guess really I wouldn't change it or the kids.   

Thursday, 24 February 2011

Never mind I'll find someone like you.

Me and my housemate like lots of people have listened do Adele's new song a ridiculous amount of times in the past week! It's got me thinking when do you ever actually wish your ex well? We all say it especially if you do the breaking up that you want them to move on, but really do we only say it to make ourselves feel better?

If you're broken up with in my experience you say it but you don't mean it. I have learnt a lot about other people's ex's and the guilt you can feel even if you had no involvement in a break up. I can empathise with the crap feeling that no matter how much you're 'over' someone finding out that they have moved on is really hard.  

I am firm believer that ignorance is bliss, because if you don't know and aren't thinking about it then you can't be bothered by it. I definitely feel that guys are on the whole better at the doing the 'not giving a shit' thing....or at least appearing that they don't. I pretty much always say to my friends to just completely delete their ex, even if only for a short while, because facebook can be such a bitch. And ultimately if you need to get hold of someone badly they're not dead and can be contacted, but it's just part of moving on.

I would never wish any harm on anybody and if anything especially not an ex of any kind whether ex boyfriend or ex best friend because they have been so special at some point in my life whether I like it or not! So I guess in a long winded way I am saying I do agree that you should wish your ex well......but  I just don't want to know about it ha! 

Monday, 14 February 2011

break break break break your...(well probably my) heart.

Valentines day is clearly the inspiration behind today's post and I'm cynical...boyfriend or no boyfriend I hate today. I hate how it makes you suddenly feel like you SHOULD show someone you care about that you like them, surely you should do that anyway?? I am a massive hypocrite though and have succumbed to tradition every valentines that I have been with someone, even if it's just a joke present! This Valentines is all about the best relationship a 20 something woman can have...a best friend. 

Last year I had the worst Valentines ever, I had been broken up with for the second time in as many months and was still massively hung up on them, but my best friend did what every great friend does and brought vodka. One vodka turned into a hideous amount of vodka and me being pretty much carried home and being sick, gross but inevitable. Being single on Valentines day is hard, I know not for everyone and single can be loads of fun, but I think it emphasises how lonely you can feel. Well I know that's how I felt last year, happy people in general just pissed me off but especially couples because I had been royally rejected and felt so crap and it only made it worse. But thank god for friends eh...even if they do have to clean up your mess, or rather the ones that boys that created!!

This year things are much happier and a million times better, probably though they're scarier in terms of boys. The thought of really liking someone again is scary, I have done this before and been burnt but I'm not a dickhead and realise that not every guy is the same. But it's difficult knowing there's an end before there is even really a start. 

This is maybe why I make such a big deal of using Valentines to spend with my friends or in particular this year repaying the favour with my best friend. I can relate to the crappy Valentines day feeling and it can't help but make you reflect on what's happened since the last one. For me things are much more positive, even if they are only going to be for a few months it'd be worth it. So for everyone feeling as shit as I did last year, there is light and a very good one, not in the shape of boys but of friends. 

Monday, 7 February 2011

would you do it sober?


 I’m really not wanting to make this a judgemental blog or anything, I guess I’m just pondering drunken antics today for a few reasons. One of the main reasons was after reading an article online about a girl who left another blind after stabbing her with a stiletto!! Yeah I thought it was a sick Essex joke too…but no apparently some people really can be that mad when they’re drunk. It makes me feel sad being a young woman and reading that kind of stuff, because us young Brits already get a hard press about binge drinking and especially young women are taking the wrap for a lot of this so called ‘broken Britain.’

I should really probably state that I am no angel and have done my fair share of things that I would never do sober, including this Saturday I know there are many things with dancing badly in public being high up there. There is always the inevitable drunken texting that then leads to the deletion of texts the next day, whoever invented the mobile phone is a bad, bad person! Well ok maybe not completely…But my Saturday certainly was eventful from hiding from potential pissed off neighbours (don’t think they appreciated the Gaga) to having to call 999 for the first time in my life. The 999 call was to get someone to check out a drunken man I came across on the ground on my way home, I knew he’d be fine and was unlikely to remember in the morning but I didn’t really want to leave someone in that state on the streets…Maybe Britain has a fair reputation after all!!!

I feel like I have had my patience tested a lot recently for many reasons, but one of the main being hearing of drunken tales  involving using alcohol as a means to gain confidence to get girls. I have given up asking whether or not it is something to be proud of, I think it will just be something that the judgemental side of me will always take over on. Not the fact it happens, because it does let’s face it but the being proud of it and celebrating a lot in one week I will never get or forgive.

So I guess the proverbial  ‘it’ in this blog is anything from playing music too loud and not really giving a crap about your neighbours, to  getting laid, or indeed passing out on a street corner. I reckon most of us would like to think that we’re as rational drunk as we are sober, but we all know we’re not. I alike many other people who drank far too much this past weekend are claiming to NEVER  touch alcohol again but maybe it just softens the idiocies of our drunken selves. 

Saturday, 5 February 2011

let's see a show of hands if you know the answer

Until recently I had never considered writing my own blog, I mean who would be interested in me? Why would I share my secrets and feelings with a whole world of strangers? And then I got over myself and realised I doubt my blog will become famous and well nothing THAT exciting really happens to me, so I pretty much think I'm safe. My new found interest in the blog way of life has come after a good friend started to write her own and I decided maybe it's time to join in, that and today is a particularly crap day in Manchester so what else is there to do!?

I have often wondered what leads people to blog, maybe we all have a lot to say and need somewhere to say it. I should probably share a little about me, I graduated from uni last year, got the 2.1 I so badly wanted, found myself a little job working as a teaching assistant in the hope I'd get onto a PGCE course for this September....if only things worked out the way you planned!! Currently I'm living in a beautiful flat in Manchester with a great friend and enjoying things but after recent events I have been left wondering what is the right answer, the question being of the right and wrong with relationships. 

I am at risk of sounding like another broken record so I will just set the story very quickly, it is about being accused of constantly searching for the greener grass. This metaphorical green grass was in relation to and end of one relationship and the start of another. I so often wish I had the right answers, I'm constantly saying to children on a daily basis 'how would you feel if that was you?'. But I think this is a result of being pushed so far, sometimes someone knowing you so well really can be a bad thing. I used to think I could forgive and forget a lot, but this is where my title comes from, the wonderful Samantha from SATC really hit the nail on the head- 'I love you but I love me more.' So maybe I am a BAD person for thinking the grass is greener but maybe sometimes we all have to admit defeat to protect yourself.